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You may recently have heard of Brood X, the largest group of 17-year cicadas on the east coast of the US, which has recently emerged to breed. In most news coverage they are a loud, messy inconvenience, but The Register is covering them as though they are an evil alien hivemind bent on taking over the world. In the latest dispatch, the President is being sent to Cornwall for his own safety as the horde attempts to take down the highest levels of US government.

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